Dark Love
by killerkomedy
Summary: Seifer and Paine meet in a journey to fufill their dreams. Little do they know, they're going to have a ride of a lifetime.


Chapter 1 

For those who played Final Fantasy 8, you'd remember in disk 3, you stopped Seifer's retarded fantasy. Well what happened after that? You're about to find out:

Seifer couldn't face his colleagues at Balamb Garden, so he moved to Dollet. He always tried moneymaking schemes…that failed. He wanted to be famous. Seifer never thought about love. He never saw the right girl until one day…

Paine also moved to Dollet. She grew her hair long. It was so long that people thought she was Sephiroth with makeup. She had dreams of becoming the world's most quiet supermodel. Little did she know, one day she'd meet her love…

Paine wanted to become Miss Galbadia, the hottest woman in all Galbadia. She used some her family inheritance to get a train ride to Timber. Yuna and Rikku were against this.

"Paine, you're not the type to do this," yelled Yuna.

"This was my childhood dream," Paine yelled back, "I'm gonna do this."

"This might have been you're childhood dream since what childhood? But it's not like you," said Rikku.

Paine patted Rikku on the head and said, "Marry rich, girl."

"I'm the boss so I'll decide and I say NO!" exclaimed Yuna.

Paine got ready and she shoved Yuna and Rikku out of the way.

"Don't you dare show your fucking face here," yelled Yuna as Paine headed for the door.

"Bitch, I won't," replied Paine.

Seifer had used the money he borrowed from Squall on the train and he knew how. He packed his things and dressed up as a member of the train staff. He saw someone sitting in a seat.

"This man looks like a stupid-ass," Seifer thought.

"Sir why are you sitting here in first-class?" Seifer asked the man.

"I bribed the ticket collector to let me sit here," replied the man.

Seifer tricked the man into thinking that was Seifer's seat and he moved.

Chapter 2 

Seifer went to a stockbroker to invest.

"This is my latest scheme. I have 150 people willing to invest $200 on the Timber Hotel," said Seifer.

"Invest? You could own the place," said the stockbroker.

"Can you get this money invested?" asked Seifer.

"This is not possible the money must be yours to own it," replied the stockbroker with a greedy look on his face, "I'll photocopy it and see what I can do."

Seifer left in frustration. Paine tried to enter in Dollet before but it didn't work. Entries were over. Paine gave her name and address to the registration guy in Timber but she realized she could only enter in Dollet. She left crying. The registration guy came to her.

"Listen, I'm sorry you can't enter but I can bend the rules for you," the guy said who was actually Setzer.

"I'll give you lots of money when I win," said Paine.

"No. No. I don't need money. I want you. Think about it. Registration closes in 5 minutes," said Setzer as he left.

4 minutes later…

Paine went and started beating up Setzer.

"You fucking filthy bastard," yelled Paine.

"Get this bitch odd of me," said Setzer.

Paine was forced out. She went to an Chinese restaurant for food. All the tables were full. Seifer let her sit with him.

"Hey," said Seifer.

"Hi," Paine replied back.

"Damn my scheme failed. That's the 100th one," said Seifer.

"The man wanted me to marry him in order to register," replied Paine.

"I'm heading to another stockbroker. Wanna come?" asked Seifer.

Chapter 3 

"Sure," replied Paine.

The waiter came and it was Zell.

"Hah hah, chicken-wuss. You got fired?" asked Seifer.

"Cid complained that I skateboarded in the Garden to much. What would you like to order," said Zell.

"I want chicken-fried rice and a Pepsi," said Seifer.

"The same," said Paine.

After Paine finished eating, she went to wash up. Seifer got the bill. He saw that his order was mixed with Paine's and he had to pay for both.

Seifer made Paine pay for her half. They were about to leave but Seifer stopped Paine in order to listen.

"What is it?" asked Paine.

"Listen," replied Seifer.

"Did you see that Wakka's scheme? He had a whole list of investors and know he owns the Timber Hotel," said a man.

"What a genius," replied the other man.

Seifer left in disgust and dragged Paine with him.

"Bastard what's your problem?" asked Paine.

"Shut up bitch," replied Seifer.

"No tell me," yelled Paine.

"Fine. That was my scheme. Wakka stole my scheme," replied Seifer.

"Where should we go next?" asked Paine.

"Deiling City. People were made famous there but we need a lot of money to live in there," said Seifer.

"But why?" asked Paine.

Chapter 4 

"If people like General Caraway, Irvine Kinneas, Rinoa Heartily or Squall Leonhart tried killing Edea here, they'd be wannabe mercenaries, fired soldiers and mowing my lawn or roofing my house, if I had one," replied Seifer.

"Oh okay but how are we going to make money?" asked Paine.

"Alright, do you have a nice and slutty dress?" asked Seifer.

"Yeah why?" asked Paine.

"Put it on and meet me at the Timber Hotel tonight. Trust me," replied Seifer.

"That's what Snoop Dog said before he raped me," cried Paine, "I'm not gonna and you can't make me."

"Bitch you've pushed my limits," yelled Seifer.

"Why are you shouting?" cried Paine.

"I'm not shouting. Now you do as I said if you want to be famous. Okay? And if you don't listen I'll do what Snoop Dog did," Seifer shouted back.

"You're lucky I'm trusting you or you'd be crying for your momma," yelled Paine.

"Trust me. You're nothing like Tifa. She was the only one able to do that," Seifer shouted back as he left.

At the Timber Hotel, Wakka was enjoying wine when he saw Seifer come.

"Hey Dollet. What are you doing here?" asked Wakka.

"I'm here to offer you a chance to invest," replied Seifer.

"In what?" asked Wakka.

"Playboy. The representative is here," said Seifer as he walked Wakka to Paine.

"Paine meet Wakka and Wakka meet Paine," said Seifer, "He wants to invest."

"50,000 dollars," said Wakka, "I'll let you take 50,000 dollars."

"Ok, Seifer you get the money and if you don't mind, Wakka can keep me company?" asked Paine.

Chapter 5 

Seifer went to take the money.

"Wakka, do you want to dance with me?" asked Paine.

"OK," Wakka said excitedly as he blushed.

Wakka and Paine were dancing. Wakka did the chicken dance.

"You're a good dancer," said Paine.

"Thanks," replied Wakka.

"Where's the bathroom?" asked Paine.

"Thanks," replied Wakka.

"Bathroom," said Paine.

Wakka pointed the way and she left. Paine climbed out the bathroom window and Seifer got her. After an hour…

Wakka was still dancing but he checked occasionally to see if Paine was coming.

With some of the 200,000 dollars they snatched, Seifer and Paine got a motel room. Both of them were celebrating.

"What an idiot that Wakka," said Seifer.

"I'd like to see him dancing now," replied Paine.

"So was this better than Snoop Dog?" asked Seifer.

"Shut up," replied Paine as she playfully shoved Seifer.

"The thing is…" said Seifer.

"What?" asked Paine.

"This stash won't last a week in Deiling. We have to do more schemes," replied Seifer.

"More?" asked Paine.

"That's right," replied Seifer.

Chapter 6 

Today was the Independence Festival. People celebrated their freedom from the Galbadia army. Seifer and Paine dressed up as tour guides. They charged $150 per person.

What was their scheme this time?

A billion tourists took their "tour." Seifer changed his name to Holden while Paine changed her name to Alotta.

People were all ready for the tour but they saw the tour guides weren't here.

"Where did they go?" asked one tourist.

"Holden guide," yelled another tourist.

They realized that they got ripped off so they took another tour.

At Seifer and Paine's hotel room…

Seifer and Paine were celebrating.

"With 150 billion dollars, we'll have enough but we got to keep doing it in order to live the sweet life," said Seifer.

"Sure, I'll love this," replied Paine.

Paine saw Seifer was sending money.

"What are you doing?" asked Paine.

"Now that I got you to agree, I can repay someone I owe," replied Seifer, "A good friend."

"What's wrong?" asked Seifer as he saw Paine crying.

"I miss Yuna and Rikku. My friends," replied Paine.

"Use the phone and call them. I dated Yuna so I'll dial for you," replied Seifer as he dialed.

Yuna picked up the phone and heard Paine's voice.

"Paine, come back, please," cried Yuna.

"I can't but I'm doing fine. I miss you but I've found my dreams," said Paine and then she hung up.

Chapter 7 

Seifer and Paine took a train to Deiling. They started their first scheme.

It was the Sorceress Battle Festival. This holiday commemorated when Squall, Rinoa and Irvine fought Edea and caused her to leave.

Seifer and Paine did the same thing as last time but they charged $300 per person. It had the same ending. At their room in the Galbadia Hotel…

"Paine, you want to have dinner?" asked Seifer, "As in a date?"

"What? Well…of course. You changed my life," replied Paine.

"I'll pick you up 7:30," said Seifer.

"But we live together," replied Paine.

"Just watch," replied Seifer as he took some money and changed into a suit.

"Where are you going?" asked Paine.

"Secret," replied Seifer.

Seifer met with Fuijin and they took two Cadillacs for a "test-drive." They went to Raijin's garage and he changed their license plated. At 7:30, Seifer and Fuijin parked the Civics and then Fuijin left. Seifer went to the hotel room.

Paine wore the same dress she wore when the stole money from Wakka. Seifer came in.

"Where were you?" asked Paine.

"You'll see," replied Seifer.

"You'll see? What's that supposed to…Ahhh!" said Paine as Seifer covered her eyes.

Seifer led her to the parking lot.

"Look," said Seifer.

"A Cadillac! For me? Seifer you cute little cornball," yelled Paine.

Seifer gave her the keys and jumped into his car.

"Follow me," said Seifer.

Chapter 8 

Seifer and Paine went to Hell's Kitchen. Seifer told her about getting the cars.

"You did that for me?" asked Yuna.

"Hey, I like you," said Seifer.

"Oh you're cute," said Paine.

"Hey I'm Mohammed Ali," replied Seifer.

"No you're cute," said Paine.

The waiter came and it was Irvine.

"What are you doing here?" asked Seifer.

"I work her," said Irvine.

Seifer and Paine died of laughter.

Paine ordered spaghetti.

"What would you like?" asked Irvine.

"I'll have a fill-ette mig-non," replied Seifer.

"It's filet mignon(Min-yon)," replied Irvine.

Seifer and Paine were laughing ever harder.

They enjoyed their meal.

At their room…

"Wow, Seifer I've never seen this side in you," said Paine.

"It's kind of dirty little secret," replied Seifer.\

"Stupid moron, it's not dirty or little," replied Paine.

"This is so you remember it," said Seifer.

Seifer gave her a nice kiss.

Chapter 9 

After doing so many schemes, Seifer had a new plan.

"Paine there's a place were we can be even more famous," said Seifer.

"Where's that?" asked Paine.

"Esthar," replied Seifer.

"Why Esthar?" asked Paine.

"Because if Laguna, Kiros and Ward sealed Adel in Dollet or even here…" said Seifer.

"They'd be wannabe mercenaries, fired soldiers and mowing my lawn or roofing my house, if I had one," Paine and Seifer said.

Both of them laughed. Their cars were being transported to Esthar while Seifer and Paine were on a train.

"When will we be there?" asked Paine.

"Tomorrow," replied Seifer.

Paine fell asleep quickly. Seifer read through the articles about them. The headlines were…

Holden and Alotta rip money off from tourists

Holden and Alotta steal money from the weapon store

Holden and Alotta steal two brand new 2006 Cadillacs

Holden and Alotta perform bootleg magic show

Police Deputy Vincent goes after Holden and Alotta

Holden and Alotta rob Bob's Furniture

Holden and Alotta steal Escalades

Holden and Alotta steal a cartload of diamonds

Holden and Alotta rob Billy-Bob's Electronics

After reading these, Seifer fell asleep. Paine woke up. Seifer and Paine spent the night talking.

"Can't believe we're gonna be done," said Paine.

"Hey keep in touch right," said Seifer.

"That's right we'll be in Esthar. Now let's sleep," said Paine as she fell asleep.

Chapter 10 

Deputy Vincent is in charge of getting Seifer and Paine.

"Vincent, you are losing," said Police Chief Laguna.

"Sir I'm getting to know their tracks every crime," replied Vincent.

"Is there any progress?" asked Laguna

"Yes, knowing them, they'll go for more money. They'll come to Esthar to get the gold we're guarding," replied Vincent.

"The one headed to Balamb?" asked Laguna.

"Yes and then we'll catch them," replied Vincent.

"I leave it to you," said Laguna.

"Being a former thief, you'll think like one," said Ward.

"Let's leave it to him," stated Kiros, "You get the job."

"Hey I'm the boss," yelled Laguna.

"So am I on the case?" asked Vincent.

"You get the job," replied Laguna.

"Well then I'm going to bed," said Vincent.

"Alright. Go," said Laguna.

Seifer's dream…

Seifer dreamed that Paine was his wife.

"Paine what schemes for today?" asked Seifer.

"It's you and me and the open road," replied Paine.

"How about we scheme in bed?" asked Seifer.

"OK," replied Paine as they started doing it.

Seifer woke up and so did Paine.

Chapter 11 

Seifer and Paine arrived at Esthar.

"Here, Paine, your share," said Seifer as he split the money.

"Why must you split the money?" asked Paine.

"Because I'm heading back," replied Seifer.

"Why?" asked Paine, "We were on fire."

"Because I got what I wanted," replied Seifer.

"What did you get?" asked Paine.

"I got the fame I wanted," replied Seifer.

"Fame you wanted?" asked Paine, "All this time that's what it was about?"

"No, with your share you can get the clothes you need to be a supermodel," replied Seifer.

Seifer was ready to go but Paine hugged him tight.

"What is this?" asked Seifer.

"I don't want to be a supermodel," said Paine, "I always want to be Alotta with Holden."

"But…" Seifer said.

"You think people would be interested in Holden alone. Holden is nothing without Alotta," Paine interrupted.

"You're right. The thing is I want to be with you till death and even after that," Seifer confessed.

"What are you saying?" asked Paine.

Seifer bent down on one knee and took out a box.

"Paine, I got this before we left. Will you marry me?" asked Seifer.

"Yes I will," said Paine as she hugged Seifer.

Chapter 12 

Paine and Seifer were married.

"Seifer, I need you to make one promise," said Paine.

"What is it?" asked Seifer.

"We must always be Holden and Alotta," replied Paine.

"Okay we'll always be Holden and Alotta," replied Seifer.

"Except…" said Paine.

"Except what?" asked Seifer.

"I'll handle that. Do you promise?" said Paine.

"I promise we'll always be Holden and Alotta except…" replied Seifer, "But you always got to be in a mood for love."

"I promise to always be in a mood for love," replied Shannon.

Seifer and Paine did it naked for the rest of the night.

To kick start things in Esthar, Shannon acted as a customer distracting the employee into following her. Seifer snuck and was waiting there hiding. The store went dark.

"Let's shop," smiled Seifer.

The next day, the employees found that the store was robbed.

"$5,000,000 worth of watches, $1,000,000,000 worth of electronics, $2,000,000,000 worth of household appliances and $300,000,000,000 worth of jewelry," said the manager to the employee, "You're fired you dumb piece of shit,"

The employee left the mall crying.

Seifer and Paine sold the stolen stuff for money. They kept a few things for their new house.

"Wow I love scheming with you," said Paine.

"I love you," said Seifer.

"I love you too," replied Paine.

Chapter 13 

Eventually, Paine became pregnant.

Seifer and Paine were so rich that they bought a five-star hotel.

"Wow I can't believe I'm getting so much money for this hotel," said the manager.

"To commemorate us buying the hotel," said Seifer, "Shannon will you say?"

"We'll give out one free meal and free cocktails," announced Paine out loud.

Everyone cheered. Seifer went and sat next to Vincent.

"Hey you'll be bankrupt if you keep this up," said Vincent.

"Hey we'll be careful," replied Vincent as he took out a cigar.

Paine went to him and took the cigar.

"You shouldn't smoke in front of our baby," said Paine.

"Baby can't see me," replied Seifer.

"Babies are smart. They see everything," answered Paine.

"Fine," replied Seifer.

"Wow you are a loving couple," said Vincent.

"Stop intruding, can't you see it's a private conversation? Stupid!" said Paine, "I'm going to see the hotel. Be good."

"Hey ever fell in love?" asked Seifer.

"Once. We always talked and laughed on the public bus," replied Vincent.

"What happened?" asked Seifer.

"I never told her that I love her. I assumed she knew. One day she came to me and said 'Could you hand out these pastries? I'm engaged.'" Vincent replied.

"Hey handsome," said Tifa all dressed up like a prostitute.

Vincent enjoyed her company. Seifer tried her but was rejected. Vincent got so drunk that Paine and Seifer led him out.

Chapter 14 

Seifer and Paine were outside.

"Hah thank you two for a good time," said Vincent.

"Anytime," replied Seifer.

"Who are you?" asked Paine.

"I'm Police Deputy Vincent," replied Vincent.

"You're a police officer?" asked Paine.

"What do you think? Sex officer," replied Vincent.

"Taxi! Taxi! Take him," yelled Paine.

"Why are you silent? Afraid of cops?" asked Vincent.

Vincent went into the taxi and left.

"That was close," said Paine, "I felt my heart skip a beat."

"Doesn't it always do that with me around?" asked Seifer.

"This isn't a joke," replied Paine.

"This is very good," Seifer said with confidence.

"You stupid ass. How's this good?" asked Paine.

"Police Deputy Vincent is in charge of the diamonds being transported to Balamb," replied Seifer, "He won't suspect us."

"Are you saying we should go for the gold?" asked Paine.

"We're gonna be a threesome. We need the money," replied Seifer.

"Are you a stupid piece of shit?" asked Paine.

"I'm serious. We do it tomorrow night," replied Seifer.

"But the baby," said Paine.

"Don't worry. You're backup," replied Seifer.

Chapter 15 

The airport was heavily guarded. Seifer went in as a baggage boy. He planned to get in and steal the gold. Paine was in the car. Seifer switched his suitcase with the gold. The plane closed. Seifer was locked in.

"Dammit," said Seifer, "What do I do?"

Paine sensed it. Seifer was in trouble. She took her cell phone and dialed.

"Hello air control," said a man.

"Stop the flight to Balamb. The bomb is ticking," said Paine.

"Flight A-154, there is a bomb scare," said air control.

"What? I'm turning back," replied the pilot.

The plane landed in the airport.

"What's going on?" asked Vincent.

"Someone called and warned us of a bomb," replied air control.

"Get a bomb squad on runway 821. Get the number of the one who called. Make sure the gold is safe," ordered Vincent.

"Sir the gold is gone. This suitcase with the gold is gone," said a police officer, "This case is full of toy donkeys."

"Shit," yelled Vincent.

"Sir we got the number and dialed it," said air control.

Paine was a few feet from Vincent and her phone rang. She ran to the nearest cart for baggage. She left her phone there. Vincent found it but he didn't get Paine.

"Arrgh, Holden and Alotta, I will get you," yelled Vincent.

Seifer snuck into the car. Paine was at the front and her eyes met with Vincent's.

"Seifer, we must go! He saw me," yelled Paine.

"Are you sure?" asked Seifer as he got on the driver's seat.

"Yes. Go!" yelled Paine.

Chapter 16 

"We must abandon the car," said Seifer as he stopped the car out of the highway.

Seifer started waving his hand and calling for help.

At the airport…

"Get a search for a silver Pathfinder, license plate PERFECTO," ordered Vincent as he got into his car with a few cops.

"What do we do?" asked the cops.

"Alotta is in labor. We'll have to search the hospitals," replied Vincent.

"But we don' have enough men to search all hospitals," said the officers.

"Thinking like a criminal, Holden will go to the biggest hospital. Come on!" replied Vincent.

Seifer got Wakka to pull over. They made up as Wakka drove them.

"Which hospital shall I take you to?" asked Wakka.

"The biggest there is," replied Vincent.

At the hospital, Seifer rigged the elevators.

The cops came when the baby was born. The police had to take the stairs. After searching the whole hospital…

"Sir we couldn't find Holden and Alotta," said the cops.

"Shit they escaped," yelled Vincent.

Holden and Alotta were at the nearest inn. Fuijin and Raijin stole a moving truck and packed their things. At their hotel room…

"Is your baby a boy or a girl?" asked Paine.

"What?" asked Seifer.

"You don't even know what your baby is," said Paine, "This is getting in the way of us. You chose schemes or the family."

Chapter 17 

Seifer and Paine were at the train station. They named their baby Sain.

"Buy the tickets," said Paine.

"When do we buy tickets?" asked Seifer.

"Since now. We're going to get jobs and live decent lives," replied Paine.

Seifer went to buy the tickets.

"What are your names?" asked the ticket seller.

"Seifer Alamasy. Paine Alamasy," replied Seifer.

A hand went on Seifer's hand.

"Holden and Alotta," said Vincent.

Paine saw Seifer with Vincent and screamed…

Paine, Seifer and Sain were on the train. They were going to jail.

"Damn, the minute we go straight, we go to jail," said Seifer.

"You're a liar. How do you go straight?" asked Vincent.

"He's telling the truth," replied Paine.

"This coming from Alotta, the biggest liar in Esthar?" asked Vincent.

"Her name is Paine," replied Seifer.

"What do we do now?" asked Paine, "The child will have parents in jail."

"I'll think of something," replied Seifer.

"What then?" asked Paine.

"I'm going to say that I forced you," replied Seifer.

"What are you going to do without me?" asked Paine.

"I don't know but who's going to raise Sain," yelled Seifer.

Chapter 18 

Vincent took Seifer outside.

"Edea will raise your child," Vincent stated.

Seifer started crying.

"What are you doing?" asked Vincent, "Men don't cry."

"What else to do? This is the last time I'll see Sain," replied Seifer.

"Hey why did you do this?" asked Vincent.

"I always wanted to be famous. Now I want to quit and be normal," replied Seifer.

"So you went to this?" asked Seifer.

"I didn't want to be dissatisfied for life," replied Seifer, "Gosh jails are made for reforming while people who are reformed are going to jail to be a destroyed family."

"Go back in," said Vincent.

Seifer, Paine and Sain were all sad. Vincent threw them keys.

"What's this?" asked Seifer.

"The train will stop soon. That's where you'll escape," replied Vincent.

"Thank you," said Paine.

Why did Vincent do this? Well here's why.

"Jails are meant for reforming not destroying. Beyond that uniform, cops have hearts too.

I believed that I destroyed Holden and Alotta. That's why I let Seifer and Paine go. Hah

Hah and also Sain. I couldn't tell whether they were telling the truth or their greatest scheme ever. It was hard explaining this to my boss. In the end, I was fired. I started an elite group that secretly cons criminals. I had Fuijin, Raijin, Yuna, Rikku and Wakka now it was for the best of the best.

This was Vincent's answer.

Chapter 19 

4 years later…

Seifer, Paine and Sain lived in Timber. Seifer worked for Timber Maniacs, the magazine company. Paine became a maid for the Timber Hotel. They lived with Rikku and Yuna. One day…

"Paine a friend of yours is here," yelled Rikku.

All of them were in the living room.

"You two never told them about your accomplishments. Well they…" Vincent said but Paine spilled coffee on his lap.

"Aaah! Well I wanted to see Seifer and Paine in private," said Vincent.

Paine, Seifer and Vincent went to an Indian restaurant.

"There is a scheme going on," said Vincent.

"We haven't done anything wrong," replied Paine.

"There's definitely a scheme," said Vincent.

"I swear on Sain that there isn't," replied Seifer.

"There's a scheme I can't solve but you can," answered Vincent.

"Then save us from this dignified life. PLEASE!" yelled Seifer.

"If I have to clean another filthy hotel room, I'll die," yelled Paine.

"Then con against those who con for me," replied Vincent.

Seifer, Paine and Sain moved to a big tower with the others mentioned in Vincent's response in the last chapter.

"I'm Holden," said Seifer, "Holden McGroin."

"I'm Alotta," said Paine, "Alotta Cleavage."

And they conned happily ever after…


End file.
